Here are the featured stories of those who left the church. Periodically new stories will be shared. Listen to them carefully and let us know your thoughts here.

Leticia is a long-time Catholic who recently disaffiliated from sacramental practice in light of LGBTQ issues and the Church that affects her family in a particular way. The names are not real to protect anonymity.

I’ve been Catholic born and raised all of my life. My parents provided us with lots of memories of involvement in the Church and a lot of traditions around the Catholic faith. I can still remember my first parish, attending 40 hours of devotions. One of my memories of being young is the smells and the Church was full of priests because all of the priests from the whole area would come on that night. And I can recall that. I can still hear the chanting, their voices, in unison. My parents both taught religious education and were involved as church lectors. I went to Catholic high school, married in the Catholic Church, and then I raised my three kids within the Church, as my parents did. We never missed mass on Sunday. We didn’t miss a Holy day. I was that kind of parent. When we had soccer tournaments far away, we would find a nearby Church first. I taught religious education. For fifteen years I was a Eucharistic Minister. My kids were involved too. I just wanted them to have that sense of community and everything I got from it.

So that’s my background. My Catholic faith has always been a  part of who I am. And even as I got older, I found myself trying to dig deeper and understand more. And I probably got a little more involved in appreciating it than I did when I was younger. And of course, as my girls got older, they would start to question matters of faith as kids do today. They questioned everything. I looked at them and I wondered how smart and single-minded they had become I just let people spoon-feed things to me without questioning anything. And I didn’t question if they told me that’s how it was supposed to be, I just would say, okay. And I noticed that this generation is not so much that way. We’ve had a lot of conversations within our house. Sometimes I can give them answers. Sometimes they didn’t like my answer. We would agree to disagree. Covid came and it was hard. We were trying to watch mass on TV every week, and it was hard to stay engaged. And then I would say early March 2021 is when I had my moment that started making me question things.

And when the Church reopened, I just didn’t go back. And the event was when a  letter from the Holy See came out on the blessing of homosexual unions in early March 2021, right up until that point, I always grapple with that issue within the Church. I definitely struggle with it. As an educator, I knew there were kids sitting in my classes who I knew was having difficulty, questioning their LGBTQ identity, who they were, and how they fit. I tended to not address it in class. And I think I was able to stay engaged because I would hear things that the Pope would say, or I would read things that let me believe there might be a sliver of hope or that some kind of different approach could someday happen. I’m not sure what. And after I read that article, I pretty much knew that probably wasn’t a possibility. And I could no longer reconcile supporting that idea.

When you raise your kids with the notion that God knew you before you were born. He knows every hair on your head. You are made for a special reason and there are no mistakes. And you’ve taught your child that. And suddenly it’s not the truth. And they look at you and they say, Mom, it’s not true. It’s hypocritical. I’m not loved as I am. It’s really hard as a mother because I felt like I lied and there was nothing I could say in return. They weren’t wrong, in my opinion. So, it’s just been really difficult and after witnessing this in my child I understand there’s no one who chooses, in my opinion, to be persecuted, ridiculed, hated, and then they are asked by the Church to not live a life that everyone else gets to live. And that is just hard.

I’ve stopped going to Church fairly recently and I’m just floundering because my faith community was such a huge part of my life and I genuinely feel a gaping hole. My kids have all stopped going to Church. One of the hardest things was when my youngest daughter refused to go back to religious education. And she said I will not be converted. And I pushed and tried to force it. And when she looked at me and said, I’m not going to stand up there and lie, I’m not going to pledge something, that would be dishonest in my life when I’m feeling the way that I am. So that was a hard one because my other two kids were both confirmed. But I have to listen to her voice, and it’s all for the same reason. It’s all kind of around that topic and subject of LGBTQ Catholics being unwelcome in the Church.

Referring to my children, some come back at them using God as the reason to say you’re awful. You’re sitting and you need to find God. That’s not the God I grew up with.. So, I guess this is one of the reasons it was hard for me to continue to stay with the Church,  and my kids, I know for sure that it seems very hypocritical that you belong as long as you conform to what we say you’re supposed to be And I understand it’s difficult. I know the history of the Church. I know that it is based on a man and a woman and having children. But I’m not looking for things to change. But I feel like there should be a way to allow LGBTQ people who want to have the same experiences of faith that other people do.

I can see how kids can be confused, as I am. I can see that the Church’s messaging is confusing. You can go to one town and find a very understanding priest. You can be in your own parish where you have a priest that regularly gives sermons on how it’s wrong and you’re wrong. And I can see in Europe some of the things that are happening in Germany, and there’s not even a sense of unity there. It’s hard and I can’t even celebrate the holidays. I’m lost because I said to my oldest daughter, I said, “I don’t know how to pray anymore.” She’s like, Mom, you can still pray. And I said, but it feels like I don’t know what I’m praying to because it was always affiliated with the Church. And she’s like, mom, you can still be spiritual and pray until you figure this out.

The Church has been home. And I don’t know why we just can’t find a way that there’s just some kind of belonging for my daughters. I don’t know. I understand this is worldwide. There are cultural implications even just within our country. I know depending on the region you live in; Catholics down south may feel differently than Catholics up north. I know it’s a multilayered thing. I just don’t understand why we were all taught the great commandment, love your neighbor and we can’t find a way of accepting LGTBQ Catholics. I know there’s fear. I know when you don’t understand something, it’s hard. But when you know that you’ve had three children and you’ve raised them all the same and one comes to you one day and tells you I like the same sex. And, you know, they didn’t get up one morning and just say it. It has been part of a long struggle for her.

And that’s part of my problem. Why doesn’t anybody speak out and say it’s wrong for you to say you need to find God because as a gay person, you don’t have him. There’s no one speaking out and saying that the way these people are treated isn’t okay.

Share Your Thoughts